Mom Upate: As far as my mother goes, she's presently doing great! Her slower, sometimes incoherent, speech isn't the case the past few weeks. She has been more active around the house, especially with cooking! She's been out with friends on a few outings, to church once, and out with me and Dad as well.
She's talking about 95%normally with normal conversations. It's been really refreshing and encouraging!! We know that this won't stay the same forever but it's certainly wonderful while it's happening!! I always enjoy the time with my mother, however she is, really. Just because I know how short life is and I'll take whatever I can get. She's been such a trooper through all of this.
And just in time, too, because we have extended family moving in and out of town so she'll know exactly what's going on without any confusion. And she'll be able to meet and greet and say goodbyes.
Happy to let you all know these things - even if only a quick Mom Update! I'm just glad that there isn't so much to tell!!! Praise the Lord! :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
How is my Mother doing?
I've began writing this blog update about six times and am just going to do it now whether I edit it or rewrite it or not! I'm a bit OCD when it comes to editing so this is a stretch for me!!
Since Mom has come home from the hospital the "new normal" is that Dad doesn't leave her at home alone for more than a brief few minutes at any given time typically.
- She has a dear friend that stops by occasionally throughout each week to give Dad some time 'off' and just to visit.
- I go over each Tues & Thurs for about 4-7 hours at a time for Dad to run errands, play cards with friends & at the county senior center, buy groceries, etc.
- A few various people from homehealth, physical therapy, an RN, etc come about 3x/week to help with showers, physical checkup, etc.
Mom's state of mind has been heartbreaking much of the time. She is coherent, engages in conversation, and so on but she often just rambles quietly on about random topics from her childhood, friends, travels, grandchildren, tv, etc. She relates herself to many things on TV that have nothing to do with her. Sometimes she makes perfect sense and sometimes she's in her own world. She converses with you if you do first and generally answers any questions correctly but she gets confused easily. She tells the young grandchildren things that aren't accurate or safe and she doesn't realize it so I have to tell them to check with me before they proceed with whatever it is that she's told them.
Ex. She told my 2 year old daughter that she couldn't play in the kitchen drawer because it wasn't clean enough. THe problem here is that it's the silverware and knives drawer. Nothing is dirty. And of course Anna has never played in it or even thought of it. So I have to be careful about what she says and puts in her mind. She isn't dangerous but she isn't always capable of being reasonable and trustworthy, either.
During her hospital stay she became incredibly increasingly dependent on others for everything and seemingly preferred it that way. She's physically capable of doing everyday things. So we encourage her to do things for herself to keep her active. We also dote on her knowing that many things take her a very long time or she often pulls out whole cabinets with intent to organize and then apparently gets distracted and forgets the first task before bringing sometimes numerous other ones. She is somewhat like having a 6 year old to care for. Capable of doing most anything but not having the full sense of danger, mess, or sound reasoning about the task.
Some may know but some do not that she injured her foot the first few days after coming home. She doesn't remember hurting it but it started to slightly swell and wouldn't go down so she had x-rays. She does have a fracture and had a soft cast that was just upgraded to a velcro, hard brace to aid with walking. Mom used a wheelchair to get around to keep her weight off of it for the first two weeks but has just the past few days moved on to using a walker without wheels. As she gets steadier she'll move on to a walker with wheels to ambulate more quickly. I hope she will feel comfortable enough and be steady enough to walk normally again soon without aid of any kind.
Mom's bipolar state of mind has been very mellow and passive, agreeable and submissive. She might make a suggestion of anything and if you say it isn't possible or another option is better she almost never argues and just says something to the effect of, "Oh, okay". She does sometimes get a little weepy in the afternoons, starts bringing up long-past regrets, apologizing, asking for forgiveness, etc. This can be upsetting because you have to stop her from going on before she tells the wrong person the wrong information as she doesn't seem to be that in touch with propriety of revelations.
I love my mother. Soo very much. I feel kind of numb in some ways because it's too much to take in, I think. If I mull it over too much I start to ache inside. The loss is just too deep to tap into. So it's easier to deal with the present by just to love on her, dote on her, visit with her, and just enjoy her for who she was and who she is now because she's still my mother and my friend. I can still talk easily with her as I always have and bring up memories of family, travels, friends, and just the same old stories. I have to be careful to steer away from potentially upsetting people/situations, especially those she's loved and lost. But I hope that the memories will help keep her mind fresh and help to solidify them in my own mind so if/when her mind deteriorates further that I'll know the details to pass on to my own children.
Well.. this is getting to me so I'm going to end it now. That's the bulk of the updates.
Mom would LOVE to hear from anyone, any time. By phone, email, or letters/cards. She might not speak very long or she may keep you on a while, but she Will remember it and cherish it. I've passed on the many wellwishes and prayers and will continue to do so!
Be blessed! Love on your family :) We're off for a Father's Day at a nearby lake in the mountains to enjoy canoeing, swimming, and a nice cookout.
Love to all ~ Stephanie
Since Mom has come home from the hospital the "new normal" is that Dad doesn't leave her at home alone for more than a brief few minutes at any given time typically.
- She has a dear friend that stops by occasionally throughout each week to give Dad some time 'off' and just to visit.
- I go over each Tues & Thurs for about 4-7 hours at a time for Dad to run errands, play cards with friends & at the county senior center, buy groceries, etc.
- A few various people from homehealth, physical therapy, an RN, etc come about 3x/week to help with showers, physical checkup, etc.
Mom's state of mind has been heartbreaking much of the time. She is coherent, engages in conversation, and so on but she often just rambles quietly on about random topics from her childhood, friends, travels, grandchildren, tv, etc. She relates herself to many things on TV that have nothing to do with her. Sometimes she makes perfect sense and sometimes she's in her own world. She converses with you if you do first and generally answers any questions correctly but she gets confused easily. She tells the young grandchildren things that aren't accurate or safe and she doesn't realize it so I have to tell them to check with me before they proceed with whatever it is that she's told them.
Ex. She told my 2 year old daughter that she couldn't play in the kitchen drawer because it wasn't clean enough. THe problem here is that it's the silverware and knives drawer. Nothing is dirty. And of course Anna has never played in it or even thought of it. So I have to be careful about what she says and puts in her mind. She isn't dangerous but she isn't always capable of being reasonable and trustworthy, either.
During her hospital stay she became incredibly increasingly dependent on others for everything and seemingly preferred it that way. She's physically capable of doing everyday things. So we encourage her to do things for herself to keep her active. We also dote on her knowing that many things take her a very long time or she often pulls out whole cabinets with intent to organize and then apparently gets distracted and forgets the first task before bringing sometimes numerous other ones. She is somewhat like having a 6 year old to care for. Capable of doing most anything but not having the full sense of danger, mess, or sound reasoning about the task.
Some may know but some do not that she injured her foot the first few days after coming home. She doesn't remember hurting it but it started to slightly swell and wouldn't go down so she had x-rays. She does have a fracture and had a soft cast that was just upgraded to a velcro, hard brace to aid with walking. Mom used a wheelchair to get around to keep her weight off of it for the first two weeks but has just the past few days moved on to using a walker without wheels. As she gets steadier she'll move on to a walker with wheels to ambulate more quickly. I hope she will feel comfortable enough and be steady enough to walk normally again soon without aid of any kind.
Mom's bipolar state of mind has been very mellow and passive, agreeable and submissive. She might make a suggestion of anything and if you say it isn't possible or another option is better she almost never argues and just says something to the effect of, "Oh, okay". She does sometimes get a little weepy in the afternoons, starts bringing up long-past regrets, apologizing, asking for forgiveness, etc. This can be upsetting because you have to stop her from going on before she tells the wrong person the wrong information as she doesn't seem to be that in touch with propriety of revelations.
I love my mother. Soo very much. I feel kind of numb in some ways because it's too much to take in, I think. If I mull it over too much I start to ache inside. The loss is just too deep to tap into. So it's easier to deal with the present by just to love on her, dote on her, visit with her, and just enjoy her for who she was and who she is now because she's still my mother and my friend. I can still talk easily with her as I always have and bring up memories of family, travels, friends, and just the same old stories. I have to be careful to steer away from potentially upsetting people/situations, especially those she's loved and lost. But I hope that the memories will help keep her mind fresh and help to solidify them in my own mind so if/when her mind deteriorates further that I'll know the details to pass on to my own children.
Well.. this is getting to me so I'm going to end it now. That's the bulk of the updates.
Mom would LOVE to hear from anyone, any time. By phone, email, or letters/cards. She might not speak very long or she may keep you on a while, but she Will remember it and cherish it. I've passed on the many wellwishes and prayers and will continue to do so!
Be blessed! Love on your family :) We're off for a Father's Day at a nearby lake in the mountains to enjoy canoeing, swimming, and a nice cookout.
Love to all ~ Stephanie
Sunday, June 13, 2010
School's Out, Summer's On!
Summer Vacation is here!
School is out! I don't say that because I'm glad to get away from it, though. I just like that we don't have to be up so early and after such hard work from a lot of homework and many projects & reports that the children can now relax and just be lazy. :)
We've had just some really wonderful teachers and there were many tears the last day. I pray often that our children will have favor and grace with their teachers but that they will in turn be a blessing and leave a sweet and Christlike impression with them.
That said, I have to mention a sweet moment for this Mommy. I try not to be a bragging mother, but this touched my heart. A Kindergarten teacher remarked to me that she loves our children so much that when she found out that a new little Sheridan will be joining the school in the Fall that she wanted him/her in her classroom - she grabbed at her name on the list when they were making first decisions for classroom arrangements! I was so surprised and laughed outright! When I mentioned that it's our most rambunctious, extroverted, effervescent child she said that that's even better! Well, God bless her! :)
So this Fall, Bethany will begin Kindergarten. And Congratulations to our 'big kids' Sarah, Faith, Elijah, & David who have successfully finished their school year with high EOG and MAP scores and will move on to 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grades, respectively.
Summer Days:
I like living simply and not rushing things but I also like to be prepared because although it works out occasionally, it's generally harder to pick up and run out the door in an instant with six children in tow.
To make things easier to "grab & go" I make up many little snack baggies of both sweet and savory treats. They're great for road trips, sides with lunches, and afternoon pick-me-ups. The kids like that they get to choose individually and I like that I can evenly portion out the goods so they're not gone in two days! With fruits and veggies I just have to say "Only One!" but we're usually out of snacks/fruit a day before grocery-day! :) But I keep many popsicles (Read: 200-300) in our big freezer for extra hot days, too.
Our Summer days will look something like this:
Mondays - Swimming
Tuesdays - Library Reading Program & staying with Grandma (Mom)
Wednesdays - Swimming
Thursdays - Staying with Grandma
Fridays - Swimming & errand day
Weekends are reserved for special day trips with Daddy, cookouts, time with family/friends, and church services
We hope to get in a weekend trip and maybe a quick vacation to the beach again but that will have to wait to be seen.
Until next time...
School is out! I don't say that because I'm glad to get away from it, though. I just like that we don't have to be up so early and after such hard work from a lot of homework and many projects & reports that the children can now relax and just be lazy. :)
We've had just some really wonderful teachers and there were many tears the last day. I pray often that our children will have favor and grace with their teachers but that they will in turn be a blessing and leave a sweet and Christlike impression with them.
That said, I have to mention a sweet moment for this Mommy. I try not to be a bragging mother, but this touched my heart. A Kindergarten teacher remarked to me that she loves our children so much that when she found out that a new little Sheridan will be joining the school in the Fall that she wanted him/her in her classroom - she grabbed at her name on the list when they were making first decisions for classroom arrangements! I was so surprised and laughed outright! When I mentioned that it's our most rambunctious, extroverted, effervescent child she said that that's even better! Well, God bless her! :)
So this Fall, Bethany will begin Kindergarten. And Congratulations to our 'big kids' Sarah, Faith, Elijah, & David who have successfully finished their school year with high EOG and MAP scores and will move on to 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grades, respectively.
Summer Days:
I like living simply and not rushing things but I also like to be prepared because although it works out occasionally, it's generally harder to pick up and run out the door in an instant with six children in tow.
To make things easier to "grab & go" I make up many little snack baggies of both sweet and savory treats. They're great for road trips, sides with lunches, and afternoon pick-me-ups. The kids like that they get to choose individually and I like that I can evenly portion out the goods so they're not gone in two days! With fruits and veggies I just have to say "Only One!" but we're usually out of snacks/fruit a day before grocery-day! :) But I keep many popsicles (Read: 200-300) in our big freezer for extra hot days, too.
Our Summer days will look something like this:
Mondays - Swimming
Tuesdays - Library Reading Program & staying with Grandma (Mom)
Wednesdays - Swimming
Thursdays - Staying with Grandma
Fridays - Swimming & errand day
Weekends are reserved for special day trips with Daddy, cookouts, time with family/friends, and church services
We hope to get in a weekend trip and maybe a quick vacation to the beach again but that will have to wait to be seen.
Until next time...
Monday, May 31, 2010
~*~ Inn of 1,000 Thankfulnesses this Memorial Day ~*~
Mom Update:
Saturday, May 29 ~ Dad and I visited with Mom today during the afternoon visitation. I also took my youngest, Anna (2), with me. Anna was quiet and shy until I encouraged her to get up and play and interact, then she started to get a little too loud. :) Mom was happy to see her, talking and conversing pretty normally. We talked about doing something for Memorial Day but no plans yet. But then Mom wanted to rest about halfway through the visiting time so we all decided to leave a little early knowing that she would be leaving the next morning anyway.
Sunday, May 30 ~ Mom is officially discharged from the hospital!! She and Dad took her few things and spent part of the evening with John & Marlene and family for dinner which was very nice but seemed to tire Mom out a bit. We spoke on the phone but I didn't visit with them. She and I made plans for a simple Memorial Day picnic menu to be at their house. She stayed pretty much on task with the conversation and only got confused a few times where I just redirected her back to the subject.
My thoughts:
A few days ago my heart was broken and just shattered on the floor where I physically dropped onto. I truly didn't have the strength to get up. I sobbed deeper and harder than I ever have, only thinking that my mother would never be at home again and might even die. We were all broken with this news.
But God has seen fit to give us new hope and a plan. We are never to give up.. we're to keep pressing on and changing tactics as necessary. Only when He takes us home to Heaven is when we are to stop pursuing that particular avenue. We are to go and go until He stops us.
I once asked a friend who is the mother of 20 children how she got through each day when I struggled with only my 5 (at the time). She said, "If the Lord gives you the day, then He's given you what you need to get through it." It was honestly kind of too simple of an answer for me. I was waiting to hear some great, unforeseen advice of the great women such as her. And that was it? It was too simple to accept but sometimes we just need to DO and not over-think it.
If we knew what we were going to face 20 years ago or sometimes even 10 minutes ago then we just might crumble into despair. We know what we need to and we have the means to deal with it. He is all we need and He's given us what we need. He has more faith in us than we have in Him sometimes. That's something to think about.
So, now, we begin a new chapter in our lives. We continue on with our daily life, grow in relationship with my parents, and take on new roles. Now I won't just be a daughter and friend of my mother I'll also be a regular companion and at times, a care-giver. I'm so humbled to know that I get to be here right now to do this for her. I could easily be living too far away or make myself too busy to care for her on a regular basis. It would deeply trouble me if I had to accept that I couldn't be there for her and need to rely on someone else most of the time that we possibly don't even know that well. It's my privilege and responsibility and God knows my heart in this and He's made it so to which I'm extremely grateful. And on those days that I am ready to Get out of their house because I'm starting to lose it (!) I'll look back on this and remember these feelings. :)
I'll post up more updates of Mom but mostly just as pertinent information occurs. Until then, know that we are going on with our daily lives with Dad caring for her at home and myself stepping a few afternoons each week so that he can continue with his cherished time out with friends at the county Senior Center, playing cards and enjoying himself! We hope that Mom will join in some activities there as well sometime. I might continue with this blog but likely it'll dwindle down in frequency! And I'll post up some pictures sometimes, too!
Have a wonderful Memorial Day, everyone! Our country is a great one and we have so many to be thankful to for our rights and freedoms.
An especial Thank You to:
Steven & Clara Wyant - our nephew and niece-in-law who are currently and formerly (respectively) serving in the Navy, and their 1-year-old daughter, Sanlaya, who are stationed in Washington state.
Josh & Sonya Marie Shultz - our nephew-in-law and niece who are both currently serving in the Army and stationed in Washington, D.C.
Scott & Andrea Sheridan - Mike's uncle and family who is currently serving in the Army and stationed in Missouri.
Wesley Luther - my cousin who is currently serving in the Marines and is stationed in North Carolina.
Wendy Poston - Mike's mother who served in the Navy
Mike Sheridan (I) - Mike's father who served in the Navy
Bob Wyant - my father who served in the Marines
John Wyant - my brother who served in the Army
We both have many more retired military family and several current friends and are grateful to each of you.
We're proud to Remember on this Memorial Day !
Saturday, May 29 ~ Dad and I visited with Mom today during the afternoon visitation. I also took my youngest, Anna (2), with me. Anna was quiet and shy until I encouraged her to get up and play and interact, then she started to get a little too loud. :) Mom was happy to see her, talking and conversing pretty normally. We talked about doing something for Memorial Day but no plans yet. But then Mom wanted to rest about halfway through the visiting time so we all decided to leave a little early knowing that she would be leaving the next morning anyway.
Sunday, May 30 ~ Mom is officially discharged from the hospital!! She and Dad took her few things and spent part of the evening with John & Marlene and family for dinner which was very nice but seemed to tire Mom out a bit. We spoke on the phone but I didn't visit with them. She and I made plans for a simple Memorial Day picnic menu to be at their house. She stayed pretty much on task with the conversation and only got confused a few times where I just redirected her back to the subject.
My thoughts:
A few days ago my heart was broken and just shattered on the floor where I physically dropped onto. I truly didn't have the strength to get up. I sobbed deeper and harder than I ever have, only thinking that my mother would never be at home again and might even die. We were all broken with this news.
But God has seen fit to give us new hope and a plan. We are never to give up.. we're to keep pressing on and changing tactics as necessary. Only when He takes us home to Heaven is when we are to stop pursuing that particular avenue. We are to go and go until He stops us.
I once asked a friend who is the mother of 20 children how she got through each day when I struggled with only my 5 (at the time). She said, "If the Lord gives you the day, then He's given you what you need to get through it." It was honestly kind of too simple of an answer for me. I was waiting to hear some great, unforeseen advice of the great women such as her. And that was it? It was too simple to accept but sometimes we just need to DO and not over-think it.
If we knew what we were going to face 20 years ago or sometimes even 10 minutes ago then we just might crumble into despair. We know what we need to and we have the means to deal with it. He is all we need and He's given us what we need. He has more faith in us than we have in Him sometimes. That's something to think about.
So, now, we begin a new chapter in our lives. We continue on with our daily life, grow in relationship with my parents, and take on new roles. Now I won't just be a daughter and friend of my mother I'll also be a regular companion and at times, a care-giver. I'm so humbled to know that I get to be here right now to do this for her. I could easily be living too far away or make myself too busy to care for her on a regular basis. It would deeply trouble me if I had to accept that I couldn't be there for her and need to rely on someone else most of the time that we possibly don't even know that well. It's my privilege and responsibility and God knows my heart in this and He's made it so to which I'm extremely grateful. And on those days that I am ready to Get out of their house because I'm starting to lose it (!) I'll look back on this and remember these feelings. :)
I'll post up more updates of Mom but mostly just as pertinent information occurs. Until then, know that we are going on with our daily lives with Dad caring for her at home and myself stepping a few afternoons each week so that he can continue with his cherished time out with friends at the county Senior Center, playing cards and enjoying himself! We hope that Mom will join in some activities there as well sometime. I might continue with this blog but likely it'll dwindle down in frequency! And I'll post up some pictures sometimes, too!
Have a wonderful Memorial Day, everyone! Our country is a great one and we have so many to be thankful to for our rights and freedoms.
An especial Thank You to:
Steven & Clara Wyant - our nephew and niece-in-law who are currently and formerly (respectively) serving in the Navy, and their 1-year-old daughter, Sanlaya, who are stationed in Washington state.
Josh & Sonya Marie Shultz - our nephew-in-law and niece who are both currently serving in the Army and stationed in Washington, D.C.
Scott & Andrea Sheridan - Mike's uncle and family who is currently serving in the Army and stationed in Missouri.
Wesley Luther - my cousin who is currently serving in the Marines and is stationed in North Carolina.
Wendy Poston - Mike's mother who served in the Navy
Mike Sheridan (I) - Mike's father who served in the Navy
Bob Wyant - my father who served in the Marines
John Wyant - my brother who served in the Army
We both have many more retired military family and several current friends and are grateful to each of you.
We're proud to Remember on this Memorial Day !
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The Meeting and Decisions
Mom Update:
Friday, May 28th - Dad and I met at the hospital and briefly spoke with Mom before heading to the meeting. When we entered her room she was lying on the bed with her eyes fluttering half open, appearing almost comatose. It was startling and bizarre, honestly. We spoke to her and she whispered back to me that she loved me. Dad can't hear whisperings so that will prove to be frustrating for their communication if she continues that way much of the time. We had to go on to the meeting room and a few minutes later a nurse came with Mom walking slowly beside her with assistance.
We spoke with the social worker and a nurse, and then later with her primary doctor. Mom went from barely whispering to speaking and giving quiet arguments and just any thoughts that would keep her IN the hospital because she just doesn't feel ready to go home. She wants to be cured and healed and go home and live normally before she leaves. Obviously, this is a chronic illness and we've each explained this to her and will in the future as it comes up. However, it was talked about and agreed all around that the best for Mom is to come HOME (Read: Not A Nursing Home/Assisted Living!!!) She's agreed with her kind doctor that she will get up and interact with others, participate in activities and meetings, etc, at the hospital so that she may leave tomorrow.
So the PLAN: Mom will leave the hospital Sunday afternoon and come home with Dad. Dad, being retired, is willing and able to care for her and be a nurse to her with her current needs. Most of the time, Mom seems to be able to do everything she needs to do on her own. She'll speak, take care of her personal needs, dress, eat, and so on by herself. Physically speaking, she needs help with walking sometimes because she loses footing and becomes unsteady if she stands up too quickly. When she begins to worry and fret her blood pressure sky rockets. Other than those she is fine physically. But in her mind she slips into these darker places and we have to help draw her out of them to see the truth of her abilities.
Manic-depression/Bi-polar - It's a battle of the mind. She needs to draw on her will to live and live life abundantly. The deep depression makes her withdraw and lose interest in others, activities, taking care of herself, and want to sleep most of the day and night. The manic side makes her impatient, agitated, angry, and sometimes lose sense of propriety.
My thoughts:
It's..difficult..watching anyone not have full capabilities and especially in our society it makes us awkward to be around others who are disabled in some way. But one thing that must ground us is to know that people are still people. We all need love and affection, we need attention and acceptance for who we are whatever that may be.
A baby looks forward to seeing his mother and father and smiles and loves them. He doesn't know that he's waking them up at night, making messy diapers, and making them change their lives to incorporate him.
A 4-year-old is very curious, asking questions, trying to do things on her own, laughing and talking too loudly. She doesn't realize that she's making more messes than helping, asking more questions than the adults want to answer, and disturbing the quiet setting at the library.
The same goes on for all ages, the levels of independence and dependence, the mind knowing and understanding or being simple and quiet. We are People. We grow, we change, we always need others, and at times in our lives we need them to care completely for our needs. This sets us apart from all other creation. We love and we enjoy and we endure.
I have loved my mother when I was a needy often-vomiting baby, a curious child, a mouthy teenager, a sometimes foolhardy and too-independent young adult, and as a married mother seeking advice of another woman. I need her now, and she needs me. I won't let her down. She'll always be my mother no matter what her capacity in my life.
I hope that others will feel the same about her because she needs all of us to let her know that life is worth living. It's no great effort for me to feel this way - I've always loved her. She's my Mom.
Friday, May 28th - Dad and I met at the hospital and briefly spoke with Mom before heading to the meeting. When we entered her room she was lying on the bed with her eyes fluttering half open, appearing almost comatose. It was startling and bizarre, honestly. We spoke to her and she whispered back to me that she loved me. Dad can't hear whisperings so that will prove to be frustrating for their communication if she continues that way much of the time. We had to go on to the meeting room and a few minutes later a nurse came with Mom walking slowly beside her with assistance.
We spoke with the social worker and a nurse, and then later with her primary doctor. Mom went from barely whispering to speaking and giving quiet arguments and just any thoughts that would keep her IN the hospital because she just doesn't feel ready to go home. She wants to be cured and healed and go home and live normally before she leaves. Obviously, this is a chronic illness and we've each explained this to her and will in the future as it comes up. However, it was talked about and agreed all around that the best for Mom is to come HOME (Read: Not A Nursing Home/Assisted Living!!!) She's agreed with her kind doctor that she will get up and interact with others, participate in activities and meetings, etc, at the hospital so that she may leave tomorrow.
So the PLAN: Mom will leave the hospital Sunday afternoon and come home with Dad. Dad, being retired, is willing and able to care for her and be a nurse to her with her current needs. Most of the time, Mom seems to be able to do everything she needs to do on her own. She'll speak, take care of her personal needs, dress, eat, and so on by herself. Physically speaking, she needs help with walking sometimes because she loses footing and becomes unsteady if she stands up too quickly. When she begins to worry and fret her blood pressure sky rockets. Other than those she is fine physically. But in her mind she slips into these darker places and we have to help draw her out of them to see the truth of her abilities.
Manic-depression/Bi-polar - It's a battle of the mind. She needs to draw on her will to live and live life abundantly. The deep depression makes her withdraw and lose interest in others, activities, taking care of herself, and want to sleep most of the day and night. The manic side makes her impatient, agitated, angry, and sometimes lose sense of propriety.
My thoughts:
It's..difficult..watching anyone not have full capabilities and especially in our society it makes us awkward to be around others who are disabled in some way. But one thing that must ground us is to know that people are still people. We all need love and affection, we need attention and acceptance for who we are whatever that may be.
A baby looks forward to seeing his mother and father and smiles and loves them. He doesn't know that he's waking them up at night, making messy diapers, and making them change their lives to incorporate him.
A 4-year-old is very curious, asking questions, trying to do things on her own, laughing and talking too loudly. She doesn't realize that she's making more messes than helping, asking more questions than the adults want to answer, and disturbing the quiet setting at the library.
The same goes on for all ages, the levels of independence and dependence, the mind knowing and understanding or being simple and quiet. We are People. We grow, we change, we always need others, and at times in our lives we need them to care completely for our needs. This sets us apart from all other creation. We love and we enjoy and we endure.
I have loved my mother when I was a needy often-vomiting baby, a curious child, a mouthy teenager, a sometimes foolhardy and too-independent young adult, and as a married mother seeking advice of another woman. I need her now, and she needs me. I won't let her down. She'll always be my mother no matter what her capacity in my life.
I hope that others will feel the same about her because she needs all of us to let her know that life is worth living. It's no great effort for me to feel this way - I've always loved her. She's my Mom.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Ups and Downs but Turning Around!
Mom Update:
Thursday, May 27th ~ Dad, myself, John, and Holli all visited with Mom at the evening visitation time. As there can only be 2 visitors at a time we rotated in and out. Mom was quieter at first but then perked up, walking about some, smiling, conversing, and girl-talking and laughing with Holli and I. It was a good visit.
Dad sincerely pressed the issue with Mom that he wanted her to come home for her care, that he (and we all) miss her, and that she's missing out on life with our family and just generally being outside of the hospital atmosphere.
My thoughts on Mom:
I think that Mom feels comforted and like she's a 'safe zone' in the hospital with around-the-clock care. She's so deeply frustrated, fearful, and just saddened of these changes in herself over the last years that she is holding on to the hope that if she is in the hospital that someone is going to Fix her, cure her, heal her. She knows that at home in and in normal life that people don't just generally cater and constantly check on someone with them being their main focus like there is with nursing care. So this thinking and need, if you will, cripples her emotionally and brings her down hill mentally which then seems to manifest itself physically.
Dad is willing to be a nurse to her which is a lot for men to do, especially men who are nearing 70 years old. But Mom has shown that even if she appears completely normal with speaking, actions, and activities that she really isn't 100% okay and just isn't able to be alone and on her own. What might be a few minutes in actuality may seem like hours to her of being alone, causing panic, disorientation, and just bring on many problems like feeling the need to call 911 when there is nothing wrong in reality.
I need to get off here and finish later because a stong thunderstorm is coming through and blinking things around the house! Until then..
Thursday, May 27th ~ Dad, myself, John, and Holli all visited with Mom at the evening visitation time. As there can only be 2 visitors at a time we rotated in and out. Mom was quieter at first but then perked up, walking about some, smiling, conversing, and girl-talking and laughing with Holli and I. It was a good visit.
Dad sincerely pressed the issue with Mom that he wanted her to come home for her care, that he (and we all) miss her, and that she's missing out on life with our family and just generally being outside of the hospital atmosphere.
My thoughts on Mom:
I think that Mom feels comforted and like she's a 'safe zone' in the hospital with around-the-clock care. She's so deeply frustrated, fearful, and just saddened of these changes in herself over the last years that she is holding on to the hope that if she is in the hospital that someone is going to Fix her, cure her, heal her. She knows that at home in and in normal life that people don't just generally cater and constantly check on someone with them being their main focus like there is with nursing care. So this thinking and need, if you will, cripples her emotionally and brings her down hill mentally which then seems to manifest itself physically.
Dad is willing to be a nurse to her which is a lot for men to do, especially men who are nearing 70 years old. But Mom has shown that even if she appears completely normal with speaking, actions, and activities that she really isn't 100% okay and just isn't able to be alone and on her own. What might be a few minutes in actuality may seem like hours to her of being alone, causing panic, disorientation, and just bring on many problems like feeling the need to call 911 when there is nothing wrong in reality.
I need to get off here and finish later because a stong thunderstorm is coming through and blinking things around the house! Until then..
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Not very good news to pass along..
With things changing so apparently quickly it's almost hard to decide *when* to update but I'm glad that I am because it helps keep people in the know. This is all so surreal.
Wednesday, May 26th -
9 am - I called to speak with Mom. The nurse told me that she might not speak because she hadn't interacted with anyone and refused to eat breakfast. The nurse attempted to give her a few bites but she didn't really eat anything. The nurse held the phone to Mom's ear for me and I tried to entice her to speak to me but she just wouldn't. That's the first time my mother hasn't spoken to me.
2 pm - After lunch, I tried again. This time Mom spoke to me - asking regular questions, reacting, and responding as normal. She said she had eaten a little lunch. She doesn't remember me calling earlier. She kept the conversation short saying she was about to lie for a nap and we said our goodbyes. I definitely felt encouraged.
8 pm - While talking to Holli (my niece) she mentions that Dad has stopped by their house and looks really upset so I asked her to call me if there was anything to know.
9 pm - My brother, John, calls with news from Dad - the facts and gist of the conversation is this: Dad spoke with the doctors. Her condition has deteriorated which explains the rapid change in disposition, ability, memory, mood, etc. She's showing signs of Alzheimer's disease. At some point in the afternoon she was completely confused and crying, saying that her daughter is pregnant and going to die, that she was going to go to jail for calling 911, and so on. She was quite upset so they gave her some calming meds. With some comparison brain scans from last week until yesterday it showed that her brain waves have changed in deterioration. He said that we need to consider the fact that she'll never leave the hospital and/or that she might need to move into assisted living for the remainder of her life.
Not long after John and I hung up, Dad came to our house and we discussed all of this as well as online a while later.
My father was pitiful and needs prayer and support. I am pretty broken-hearted.
Today, Thursday, May 27th -
4 pm - I just called and Mom spoke with me this afternoon. She conversed normally but sounded and was very tired and sleepy. I told her we were visiting tonight and she was happy about that. She was understanding that not everyone can come. She did say her goodbyes and responded that she loves me.
Today is my Grandma Luther's 99th birthday, my mother's mother (1911-1996). In her last few years her mind deteriorated with dementia and she had many of the same symptoms, experiences, and trials as my mother is apparently slipping into. The stark difference is that my Grandmother was 85 when she died and my mother is 65. I have to wonder.. Will I go through this? And knowing that I have four daughters that I could 'pass this on to' is too much to bear right now.
Tonight is a regular visiting evening (6:30-8) so Dad, John, and I will be going for certain. Our brother, Mike, hopes to leave work early enough to join us.
Wednesday, May 26th -
9 am - I called to speak with Mom. The nurse told me that she might not speak because she hadn't interacted with anyone and refused to eat breakfast. The nurse attempted to give her a few bites but she didn't really eat anything. The nurse held the phone to Mom's ear for me and I tried to entice her to speak to me but she just wouldn't. That's the first time my mother hasn't spoken to me.
2 pm - After lunch, I tried again. This time Mom spoke to me - asking regular questions, reacting, and responding as normal. She said she had eaten a little lunch. She doesn't remember me calling earlier. She kept the conversation short saying she was about to lie for a nap and we said our goodbyes. I definitely felt encouraged.
8 pm - While talking to Holli (my niece) she mentions that Dad has stopped by their house and looks really upset so I asked her to call me if there was anything to know.
9 pm - My brother, John, calls with news from Dad - the facts and gist of the conversation is this: Dad spoke with the doctors. Her condition has deteriorated which explains the rapid change in disposition, ability, memory, mood, etc. She's showing signs of Alzheimer's disease. At some point in the afternoon she was completely confused and crying, saying that her daughter is pregnant and going to die, that she was going to go to jail for calling 911, and so on. She was quite upset so they gave her some calming meds. With some comparison brain scans from last week until yesterday it showed that her brain waves have changed in deterioration. He said that we need to consider the fact that she'll never leave the hospital and/or that she might need to move into assisted living for the remainder of her life.
Not long after John and I hung up, Dad came to our house and we discussed all of this as well as online a while later.
My father was pitiful and needs prayer and support. I am pretty broken-hearted.
Today, Thursday, May 27th -
4 pm - I just called and Mom spoke with me this afternoon. She conversed normally but sounded and was very tired and sleepy. I told her we were visiting tonight and she was happy about that. She was understanding that not everyone can come. She did say her goodbyes and responded that she loves me.
Today is my Grandma Luther's 99th birthday, my mother's mother (1911-1996). In her last few years her mind deteriorated with dementia and she had many of the same symptoms, experiences, and trials as my mother is apparently slipping into. The stark difference is that my Grandmother was 85 when she died and my mother is 65. I have to wonder.. Will I go through this? And knowing that I have four daughters that I could 'pass this on to' is too much to bear right now.
Tonight is a regular visiting evening (6:30-8) so Dad, John, and I will be going for certain. Our brother, Mike, hopes to leave work early enough to join us.
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