How is my Mother doing?

I've began writing this blog update about six times and am just going to do it now whether I edit it or rewrite it or not! I'm a bit OCD when it comes to editing so this is a stretch for me!!

Since Mom has come home from the hospital the "new normal" is that Dad doesn't leave her at home alone for more than a brief few minutes at any given time typically.

- She has a dear friend that stops by occasionally throughout each week to give Dad some time 'off' and just to visit.
- I go over each Tues & Thurs for about 4-7 hours at a time for Dad to run errands, play cards with friends & at the county senior center, buy groceries, etc.
- A few various people from homehealth, physical therapy, an RN, etc come about 3x/week to help with showers, physical checkup, etc.

Mom's state of mind has been heartbreaking much of the time. She is coherent, engages in conversation, and so on but she often just rambles quietly on about random topics from her childhood, friends, travels, grandchildren, tv, etc. She relates herself to many things on TV that have nothing to do with her. Sometimes she makes perfect sense and sometimes she's in her own world. She converses with you if you do first and generally answers any questions correctly but she gets confused easily. She tells the young grandchildren things that aren't accurate or safe and she doesn't realize it so I have to tell them to check with me before they proceed with whatever it is that she's told them.

Ex. She told my 2 year old daughter that she couldn't play in the kitchen drawer because it wasn't clean enough. THe problem here is that it's the silverware and knives drawer. Nothing is dirty. And of course Anna has never played in it or even thought of it. So I have to be careful about what she says and puts in her mind. She isn't dangerous but she isn't always capable of being reasonable and trustworthy, either.

During her hospital stay she became incredibly increasingly dependent on others for everything and seemingly preferred it that way. She's physically capable of doing everyday things. So we encourage her to do things for herself to keep her active. We also dote on her knowing that many things take her a very long time or she often pulls out whole cabinets with intent to organize and then apparently gets distracted and forgets the first task before bringing sometimes numerous other ones. She is somewhat like having a 6 year old to care for. Capable of doing most anything but not having the full sense of danger, mess, or sound reasoning about the task.

Some may know but some do not that she injured her foot the first few days after coming home. She doesn't remember hurting it but it started to slightly swell and wouldn't go down so she had x-rays. She does have a fracture and had a soft cast that was just upgraded to a velcro, hard brace to aid with walking. Mom used a wheelchair to get around to keep her weight off of it for the first two weeks but has just the past few days moved on to using a walker without wheels. As she gets steadier she'll move on to a walker with wheels to ambulate more quickly. I hope she will feel comfortable enough and be steady enough to walk normally again soon without aid of any kind.

Mom's bipolar state of mind has been very mellow and passive, agreeable and submissive. She might make a suggestion of anything and if you say it isn't possible or another option is better she almost never argues and just says something to the effect of, "Oh, okay". She does sometimes get a little weepy in the afternoons, starts bringing up long-past regrets, apologizing, asking for forgiveness, etc. This can be upsetting because you have to stop her from going on before she tells the wrong person the wrong information as she doesn't seem to be that in touch with propriety of revelations.

I love my mother. Soo very much. I feel kind of numb in some ways because it's too much to take in, I think. If I mull it over too much I start to ache inside. The loss is just too deep to tap into. So it's easier to deal with the present by just to love on her, dote on her, visit with her, and just enjoy her for who she was and who she is now because she's still my mother and my friend. I can still talk easily with her as I always have and bring up memories of family, travels, friends, and just the same old stories. I have to be careful to steer away from potentially upsetting people/situations, especially those she's loved and lost. But I hope that the memories will help keep her mind fresh and help to solidify them in my own mind so if/when her mind deteriorates further that I'll know the details to pass on to my own children.

Well.. this is getting to me so I'm going to end it now. That's the bulk of the updates.

Mom would LOVE to hear from anyone, any time. By phone, email, or letters/cards. She might not speak very long or she may keep you on a while, but she Will remember it and cherish it. I've passed on the many wellwishes and prayers and will continue to do so!

Be blessed! Love on your family :) We're off for a Father's Day at a nearby lake in the mountains to enjoy canoeing, swimming, and a nice cookout.

Love to all ~ Stephanie